


Click Me in Place

by coffee_ksare



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: 25 Lives, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Cafe AU, Childhood Friends, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Friendzone, Gen, Genderbending, HR Jae, Hurt, Idols, Inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Light Angst, Little Dialogue, Love Letters, M/M, Marketing manager Younghyun, Mentioned GOT7 Ensemble, Multi, Office AU, Older Younghyun, Parkbros, Rule 63, School, Thunder and Lightning, Trainee Era, Unrequited Love, author Jae, because that pair is so precious, briwoon, gang leader dowoon, idol younghyun, in recent chapter, infinite, model jae, photographer younghyun, producer jae, short Jae, song titles are book titles, the other day6 members are only mentioned, this turned out waaaaaay longer than I wanted, tongari, writer Jae, younger Jae, younghyun centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 14,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_ksare/pseuds/coffee_ksare
Summary: 25 Lives of Younghyun and JaehyungInspired by Tongari's 25 Lives PoemYounghyun's journey through multiple lifetimes where he realizes things only click in place when he's with Jae.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 39
Kudos: 146





	1. Lifetime 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, Sullivan is back with another 25 Lives. I've been meaning to write about Day6 for so long because I am a huge fan of their music. But since I started school, I've had less and less time to even start one. So the one I'm sharing with you today is one that I started about a year and a half ago, so my writing tone or style may change a lot throughout as I wrote it anytime I had time during that year and a half. Also, I was planning on sharing this story as just one chapter, but it turned out a heck of a lot longer than I intended so it will be in 25 chapters - one lifetime for each chapter. Some will be shorter or longer than others, depends on how much in-depth I went into the alternate universe I set Younghyun and Jaehyung in. The story's ending was majorly rushed too because I really just wanted to share this with you guys and get over this, so I'm sorry that the writing will literally be shit at the end. But I hope you enjoy! Thanks!

**_I. The very first time I remember you, you are blond, and you don’t love me back._ **

Younghyun is only 12 when he meets Jae for the first time. He isn’t sure whether it’s just in this lifetime or in all of history, but he just knows Jae is the one for him the second he lays his eyes on Jae. 

In this lifetime, he’s on a school field trip with his school to LA. Younghyun’s only been studying in Toronto for less than three months, so he barely understands anything the teachers say about this beautiful sunshine city California. He picks up a few words here and there, but obviously not enough to make sense of the information spat at him as he finds himself lost. 

He was pretty sure he was at the shopping district with his school just 20 minutes ago, yet all he sees in front of him now is a building with the sign ‘Cerritos High School’. Multiple students pass by Younghyun without a single glance. He tries to formulate a coherent English sentence to ask for directions, but the panic in him seems to be unsupportive of his efforts. More and more students leave the school and Younghyun is just left there standing like a lost puppy. 

Then, someone walks up to Younghyun and he doesn’t know why, but he feels something inside him tug at his heart. His breath is knocked out of him with the sight of a tall skinny boy. He’s maybe one or two years older than Younghyun with ash blond hair, huge block glasses and a guitar hanging on his back. 

The boy rubs the back of his neck in nervousness and asks, “Uh, you look like you’re lost. Do you need some help?”

It takes a moment for Younghyun to register the words with his lack of experience with English, but he manages to nod his head. His heart is doing backflips by the minute with the boy standing in front of him and he just hopes that his face isn’t red.

(What Younghyun really does is convince himself that nodding was the efficient answer when in reality, he didn’t trust his voice to not squeak in front of the boy who somehow makes his heart race.)

After he describes where his school was before he got lost, the two start walking down a street of houses. The boy, introduced as Jae, leads Younghyun with small conversations to make him feel more comfortable. Younghyun takes in the sight of Jae’s soft blond hair and small twinkling eyes behind his huge black frames. The sound of Jae’s high tone voice and cute, earnest laughs are blissful in Younghyun’s ears. He wonders what Jae would look like when playing guitar and what his singing would sound like in the short time they spend together before parting ways.

It’s a clean and simple goodbye they share once Younghyun is brought back to the shopping district. Jae disappears after a “Bye Brian. Don’t get lost again.” and Younghyun is left with his own small “Bye Jae.” and one empty heart.

Younghyun doesn’t really understand why he feels incomplete without Jae; he ends up spending the rest of this lifetime wondering if they’ll ever meet again. 

(They don’t.)


	2. Lifetime 2.

**_II. The next time you are brunette, and you do._ **

By this lifetime, Younghyun understands. Understands that he needs Jae to be complete. He’s gone through countless lifetimes confused and heartbroken without Jae and the ones where they meet, he discovers, are the epitome of happiness. Everything clicks into place whenever he’s with Jae: it feels like the world stops spinning every time they kiss. 

In short, Younghyun is in love with Jae every single lifetime even before they get to know each other.

Countless americanos and frappuccinos after, Younghyun is finally left to rest and enjoy the melodic voice coming just outside the cafe he works at. In the plaza in front of the cafe is Jae busking with his guitar. This lifetime, Younghyun indulges in Jae’s sweet honey-like voice every Friday and Saturday from one to four along with the acoustic guitar that he brings along for the session.

There’s always a crowd surrounding Jae during his performances, listening to his beautiful singing and the strumming of his guitar. His music seeps into the quiet cafe amidst the small conversations of the customers and Younghyun swears his heart involuntarily flutters hearing Jae, embracing the sense of peace he gets. 

Every now and then, Jae comes in to grab a drink and Younghyun almost spills the coffee he was making as his eyes land on Jae’s own moon crescent ones. 

He silently waits for Jae to visit Younghyun every Friday and Saturday, heart doing backflips by the mile.

It’s winter now and the air becomes chilly with every customer that enters the cafe. Younghyun sees Jae taking a break outside, trying to warm his hands with his hot breaths. Jae is wearing a wool scarf, not completely wrapped around his thin neck, and a large hoodie with a snowboarding jacket in an attempt to keep himself warm. This time, Younghyun decides to bring the drink to Jae instead of waiting for him to come inside. 

He makes a mocha, to match Jae’s chocolatey brown hair, topping it off with plenty of whipped cream and warms up a chocolate chip cookie. The cold wind slaps him in the face when he leaves the cafe, but it’s worth it as he sees Jae in the distance looking around the plaza with his hands shoved inside his jacket pockets. Younghyun has to grip the mocha harder to stop from dropping it as Jae’s eyes land on Younghyun and he smiles, waving cutely. 

Jae gratefully accepts the warm drink and cookie. He flashes Younghyun a wide, bright smile and it makes Younghyun’s whole entire body go up in flames. While trying to mask his blush, he steps closer to Jae and zips up his snowboarding jacket, mumbling something along the lines of “You’ll catch a cold like this.”

What Younghyun doesn’t notice is how Jae flushes as Younghyun zips up his jacket.

Soon enough, Younghyun returns to the cafe to finish work. His heart warms at the sight of Jae warming his hands on the mocha and blissfully munching on the cookie. Then, Jae visits Younghyun with all his equipment in hand and offers to buy him dinner as thanks for the coffee and cookie. It doesn’t take Younghyun more than a minute to mould Jae’s hand into his own and take them to the bus stop.

Once they arrive at Jae’s apartment, Jae places all his equipment on the floor of his makeshift studio, yet the two don’t slip their shoes back on. Instead, they slide each other’s jackets off and Younghyun pushes Jae to the wall, gripping onto his chocolate brown hair. Younghyun indulges in how Jae smells like sweet sweet honey and tastes of mocha.

Ultimately, they never end up leaving Jae’s apartment as they warm each other up with long overdue kisses.


	3. Lifetime 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, Jae's pink hair was underrated and I feel like it needs justice.  
> Plus, I'm a sucker for bad boy Younghyun and nerd Jae.

**_III. After a while, I give up trying to guess if the color of your hair means anything,_ **

Somehow, Younghyun is the school’s designated bad boy in this lifetime. He never bothers to wear his uniform properly, white shirt unbuttoned over a black punk rock band shirt and dangly silver earrings adorning his ears. He also walks into class late more often than not, but he blames the weather for being so damn nice all the time on the rooftop. 

What he hates most in this lifetime are the girls. The girls, well. They’re everywhere and Younghyun just wants to crawl into a box and never come out until he hears news that they’re gone. They constantly follow him and swoon over every little thing he does and for the life of him, he can’t figure out why. His shoe locker is filled with small gifts and love letter that he never looks at for more than two seconds before ending up in the trash can. 

Not to be mean or anything, but Younghyun is in love with someone else and he tries to make it as clear as possible. 

For Younghyun, it’s always been Jae. He spends class time staring at the gold-rimmed glasses perched on Jae’s nose, the way his eyebrows scrunch in confusion when all the Korean flys past him and how his soft pink hair flutters with the breeze outside. Everything Jae wears is oversized on his slender frame and Younghyun is completely head over heels for it. It’s as if Jae’s closet is comprised of big knitted cardigans hanging on his shoulders and giant pastel hoodies that swallow him whole. Younghyun has to hold himself back multiple times before rushing up to embrace Jae with all he has even before they know each other in this lifetime.

Until Younghyun no longer does. 

After school, Younghyun always goes to the library to see Jae. Jae is the typical studious student: the bookworm who basically lives in the library and helps organize books during his free time. At first, this is what throws Younghyun over the ditch. He’s watched enough cheesy romance films over the lifetimes to know that that the school’s bad boy and nerd always get together. Yet the truth being they never last and that’s the last thing he wants for him and Jae. Except that never happens and Jae comes to love the stupid bad boy that Younghyun is.

As Jae shelves returned books, Younghyun sneaks glances. Whenever he gets caught, Jae gives him a small smile that makes Younghyun melt right then and there and sink into his chair. He takes in how the library envelopes Jae with its cozy atmosphere, sunlight showering the wooden tables in the middle of the room. The bookshelves span all around the walls to the far left of the library and Younghyun thinks it suits Jae perfectly - soft, warm and just like home. 

They spend their after schools in the corner of the library behind the wide window wrapped inside sunlight and each other’s warmth. Jae sits in Younghyun’s lap, a book in his hands, as Younghyun cards through his fluffy pink hair. His hair smells like strawberries and so does his lips from the countless stolen kisses within a page of poetry. 

With Jae leaning into his touch and humming with every kiss, Younghyun can’t help but hope for this lifetime to continue forever.


	4. Lifetime 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a short one, but I promise the next few chapters won't be this short!

**_IV. because even when you don’t exist, I’m always in love with you._ **

Some things never seem to change, Younghyun thinks when he arrives to this lifetime. He’s always had music with him, and this lifetime isn’t an exception. 

He is a solo artist under the name of Young K who is a huge sensation in Korea with his wonderful composing. Oddly, he seems to have much more overseas fans as many of his top supporters are from LA. Younghyun knows he shouldn’t think too much of it, but he does. 

He does because he remembers the very first time he met Jae. It was in LA and some part of him wishes that Jae was out there listening to his songs. 

Younghyun writes countless love songs one after another, a breakup song here and there and a couple desperate songs in hopes of reaching Jae. When he releases ‘I Need Somebody’, that’s when his fans become worried and curious about his health and mental state. So when every single interviewer asks him what he thought of while writing that song, he can only think of Jae.

But he knows he can’t say that without erupting scandals. Nevertheless, Younghyun is so so desperate. The memories of all the hugs, soft touches and kisses they shared flood into his mind and it just hurts. It hurts not being able to call out to Jae. So he just smiles bitterly and stares right into the camera filming him. 

“Just someone from the past” _in my previous lifetimes_ he leaves out because no one will understand.

Not even Jae himself.


	5. Lifetime 5.

**_V. I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together,_ **

Younghyun sees Jae, all nervous and hesitant, in front of the classroom early in the morning. It feels a little bit strange because, for the first time, Jae is not a guy. 

Jae has long blond locks with slight curls covering her narrow shoulders. Her eyes a little bit more piercing behind those circle frames, but still the small glistening half-moons, and her plump lips slightly more pink than before. She is still quite tall, taller than average, and her long milky white legs make the school skirt look much shorter than permitted. Younghyun won’t lie, it kind of drives him crazy and makes him thank their school uniform inside.

Their homeroom teacher introduces the class to Jae and asks her to introduce herself too. She stiffens as all the students’ eyes focus on her and she plays with her long fingers.

“Hi. I’m Park Jaehyung. I hope w-we’ll get along together.”

As the week goes by, Younghyun realizes Jae has difficulty with Korean. She has no problem pronouncing words, but she has a limited vocabulary and Younghyun thinks it’s adorable. He often translates the teacher’s instructions for Jae in class and smiles at how her face lights up when she finally understands. It's become a regular thing, he supposes.

In fact, Jae discovers Younghyun can speak English through a mistake. It’s a cute slip up she makes during their study period. 

She brings her book close to Younghyun’s desk and asks, “What does this word mean in English?” and immediately covers her mouth as soon as the not-so-Korean words leave.

Jae becomes flustered and mutters something in Korean that’s equivalent to an apology, but Younghyun just smiles and answers back in English.

“It means bright or sunny. Like, ‘the weather is clear today’.” 

_Just like you,_ Younghyun thinks as Jae smiles back so wide that she radiates like pure sunshine.

Since then, Younghyun and Jae have been inseparable. Jae being Younghyun’s reminder to practice English and Younghyun being Jae’s live, walking dictionary and translator. Throughout the days, the two are joined by the hip, practically glued to each other. Spending their school years together might just be Younghyun’s new favourite thing.


	6. Lifetime 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really relate to being homesick much like Jae in this chapter because all my family members except my parents and sister live outside of Canada. It's always hard to see them with expensive flight tickets and a lack of time, so when I was younger it used to be hard for me to understand.

**_VI. when you share your secrets and sorrow and hiding places with me._ **

University is great. Younghyun loves meeting new people and becoming friends with his professors. He thinks that’s one of the reasons why he feels so compelled to go to university every single lifetime. Especially with the thought of meeting Jae. 

And Younghyun swears the world is on his side this lifetime because he becomes incredibly lucky to have Jae as his roommate during his first year. Moreover, the two immediately click just as he’s hoped. 

Despite them being in two completely different majors, Younghyun in business and Jae in literature, they are the definition of best friends. Their friends describe them to be two peas in one pod - even if you only want to buy one of them, they are a two for one deal. Jae even comes up with a ship name for them after discovering Younghyun’s love for anime. So, they are known as BrianandJae, JaeandBrian or, how Jae likes, Jaehyungparkian. 

After two months of their fast-forwarded friendship, Younghyun is sure there is nothing he doesn’t know about Jae, and vice versa. Yet, when he comes into their shared room in the evening, he’s not quite sure what’s happening. 

The lights are all turned off in their room, excluding the desk lamp on Jae’s side, and the blinds are shut down. Jae is sitting at his desk with his legs to his chest and head on his knees. He’s hugging himself tightly and Younghyun doesn’t quite register the sniffles from the taller boy because 

  1. Jae is always happy-go-lucky and
  2. maybe Younghyun really doesn’t know Jae that well yet and that thought sort of scares him. 



He lets his bag fall to the floor and rushes over to Jae. Younghyun taps gently on his shoulder and asks, “Jae, what’s wrong?”

Jae, in turn, mumbles something that doesn’t quite make it to Younghyun’s ears as it becomes muffled in Jae’s sleeves. So he asks again and this time, Younghyun does catch a few words and thinks, _ah fuck._

“I want to go home,” is what Jae says in shaky Korean. 

Then, he sees the laptop on Jae’s desk still on. It has Microsoft Word opened and Younghyun reads over the words on the screen. ‘ _Throughout the novel, the theme of hospitality and longing has been explored. In what ways do the characters experience these themes as they adjust to their new lives?’_ It screams homesickness and Younghyun just coos words of comfort as he bends down to embrace his slender roommate. Jae starts to sob quietly into Younghyun’s sweater, melting into his hug.

That night, Younghyun whispers into Jae’s ears, voice soft and low. They share sweet memories about Toronto and California and speak in English until Jae falls asleep in Younghyun’s warmth.


	7. Lifetime 7.

**_VII. I love how you play along with my bad ideas_ **

Younghyun doesn’t really think he’s handsome, but some people think otherwise and they love to show it with actions that aren’t necessarily welcomed. That’s mostly why he hates parties.

(Or it may just be because he looks like an easy person. However, Younghyun refuses to believe that, so he convinces himself that he at least looks decent enough to be hit on. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that he hates parties.) 

The party is loud. People are screaming left and right, smashing moves on the dance floor and emptying bottle after bottle. He isn’t sure how Wonpil convinced him to show up, but he instantly regrets ever listening to a single word of persuasion the friend used on him. Perhaps he even regrets befriending him because, at this moment, Younghyun is in the process of trying to decline being hit on.

This buff basketball player struts over to where he’s relaxing on the sofa, offers him a drink and makes himself comfortable next to him. Younghyun doesn’t take the red solo cup and looks away from the stranger. The guy doesn’t get the clue and continues to place his arm around Younghyun’s shoulders and compliment his looks. 

This only makes Younghyun move closer to the edge of the sofa to make some distance and says in the most polite way possible, “I would really appreciate if you stopped this.”

Yet, all he receives is less personal space and a flirtatious response. 

“What, don’t feel like being picked up tonight? Could give it to you real good, babe.”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not here to hook up, so please stop.” 

With that, Younghyun stands up to leave. That is until his wrist is held back. His attempts to pull it back are futile. The guy’s grip becomes harsher and tighter. Younghyun swears he’s going to get a bruise later. _Damn basketball players and their strength._

“What are you afraid of? Got a boyfriend or something?” The guy jeers with a smirk.

Younghyun freezes a little because he doesn’t have one, but he fists his hands and thinks _heck, fucking get this over with_ and lies through his teeth. Except it doesn’t quite work because the guy doesn’t believe him and throws another taunt.

“Then where is the guy? Ain’t he supposed to be _protecting_ you?”

He curses underneath his breath in annoyance and grits his teeth. He feels his wrist starting to ache as he tries to come up with another lie, but nothing comes to his mind. When Younghyun decides to just try and pull his wrist out again, he is met with a tall blond-haired boy. His arm is pulled from the guy’s death grip and held close to the blond’s chest. 

Then, the blond lifts Younghyun’s chin and kisses him soft, yet harshly. Younghyun can feel his heart starting to beat faster and faster and all blood rushes to his head. All Younghyun can think is _whatishappeningwhatishappening_.

A few seconds pass before the heat on his lips is gone. The blond creates some distance and whispers a small “sorry” into Younghyun’s ears while Younghyun is blink blink blinking with stars dancing in his eyes.

The tall boy faces the basketball player with a fierce stare and brings Younghyun’s body even closer.

“Watch it, bud. I’m his boyfriend, so I would appreciate it if you’d leave.”

His voice is full of strength and certainty. Younghyun is comforted by the rumble of the boy’s voice as the basketball player struts away with a look of humiliation masked with a weak glare. Until he is out of both their sights, the blond holds Younghyun close. Younghyun feels his cheeks growing warm and his hands start to become clammy. 

Once he’s let go of, Younghyun’s breath is taken away because it’s Jae in all his 183cm glory.

He stutters, “Tha-thank you so much!” but Jae just smiles softly.

“No problem. Sorry you had to go through that,” Jae shoves his hands into his pants pockets as a light blush travels across his cheeks. “Also, sorry again for kissing you. Just, you know, had to make it believable.”

Younghyun shakes his head, a mantra of “nononono” escaping his lips. They both chuckle and smile bashfully amidst the awkwardness enveloping them. Then, Younghyun holds his hand out to properly introduce himself.

“I’m Younghyun or Brian Kang. Whichever you’d prefer. And thank you. Really.”

Jae takes his hand into his own larger ones, “Jaehyung Park, but just Jae is fine. Glad to be of help.”


	8. Lifetime 8.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just putting it out that I'm not trying to portray Younghyun make fun of Jae who is having trouble with his conservative parents. In this lifetime, Younghyun and Jae are already together, dating. But Jae has yet to tell his parents that the two are dating. Although he has come out as gay, his parents don't believe him, so they try setting him up with a date whom they deem is worthy of their approval and absolutely not male. In response to Jae's crisis, Younghyun laughing is not making fun of him or any other LGBTQ+ members who may have similar experiences, but having a little bit of fun and being free about it BECAUSE he believes everything will be resolved soon and there is no need for worry.

**_VIII. before you grow up and realize they’re bad ideas._ **

“You don’t understand, Brian! They literally think I’m lying or something. They thought I was joking about being gay!” 

Younghyun just laughs, head thrown back and mouth wide. 

Jae glares at him from the living room of their shared apartment with their close friend Sungjin. He paces the area, walking back and forth from the sofa to the television with his hands pressed against his forehead. The sound of Younghyun’s hearty laughs fills the room with Jae’s occasional outbursts of “Don’t laugh at me!” and “This isn’t funny,” or his whines of “Briiaaaaann.”

Eventually, Jae sinks into the sofa next to Younghyun and Younghyun slides a hand into Jae’s fluffy black hair like it’s second nature to him. In turn, Jae leans into his touch and closes his eyes with a soft whine. Younghyun brings Jae closer to his chest and kisses the crown of his hair.

“It’s okay babe. Everything will work out.”

The taller boy takes off his glasses, places them on his lap and facepalms.

“What do I doooo?” he whines.

“Just give it some time,” Younghyun replies. Then, he hums in thought as an idea passes his mind. “Or...I’ll try to do something about it.”

Jae doesn’t question it and just lets himself melt as Younghyun’s warmth presses against him. But he’s sure Jae wished he had when Younghyun sees the confused look on his face as Younghyun walks into the cafe the week after.

In the corner of the cafe are Jae and his parents. With them is some nice, petite girl that their parents know from church and Younghyun can immediately tell Jae is being set up. The girl and his parents share a delightful conversation as Jae shrinks into his seat and fidgets with his fingers. Younghyun decides this is the perfect timing to carry out his amazing idea, so he confidently walks over with his cup of iced americano for the day.

The sound of his footsteps brings the table out of their conversation. Younghyun greets them with a beaming smile which the parents reciprocate welcomingly. Jae however, gives him a look of confusion and refuses to make eye contact with him. He shuffles his feet beneath the table nervously as Younghyun initiates small talk with his parents.

Younghyun places a hand on Jae’s lean shoulder. “Jae, you didn’t tell me you were going out today with your parents.”

Jae’s eyes flit from Younghyun’s face to his fingers. “Uh, yeah. Having lunch with them and someone they wanted me to meet.”

His parents nod in confirmation and Younghyun excuses himself politely, saying his regards and goodbyes. 

Then, Younghyun slides his hand from Jae’s shoulder to the back of his head and brings him closer. They share a short, chaste kiss on the lips and Younghyun waves with all the radiance he can channel while ignoring the parents’ shock.

“Have a great lunch babe. See you at home!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the notes before the chapter helped you guys enjoy and understand it. I'm sorry if anyone reading this happened to be offended by how I wrote and depicted Younghyun. I was, in no way, trying to degrade how difficult and frustrating it can be for LGBTQ+ members who go through this or similar experiences. I was just thinking this is how Younghyun may act in this case for the reasons I mentioned in the notes above. Once again, sorry if you were offended and hopefully you guys enjoyed this. I'll be back Tuesday!


	9. Lifetime 9.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt when I wrote it. I'm sorry in advance.

**_IX. (And in our times together I have many bad ideas.)_ **

When this lifetime starts, Younghyun doesn’t feel or sense anything different than all his other lifetimes. It’s a regular routine now, going to school, making some friends and passing through the lifetime in hopes of meeting Jae. But he realizes that things start to change when he hits high school.

Younghyun is popular amongst his classmates. Everyone is always around him and he makes sure to be nice to everyone in return, flashing smiles left and right. And Jae is the student that none of his classmates want to befriend. He is always in the back corner of the classroom, sniffling from allergies, alone. No one ever goes near Jae and Younghyun’s heard that he regularly eats lunch by himself in the music room.

He’s not sure why, but despite pitying Jae, Younghyun doesn’t try to go up and talk to him either. He just sits in his seat and exchanges laughs and smiles with the classmates that surround his desk. Younghyun relaxes as their break passes by, talking about random gossip throughout the school. Then, one of his classmates lowers his voice and glances at Jae listening to music in the corner.

“You guys ever talk to Park Jaehyung?”

There’s a series of head shakes and soft ‘no’s as another comments, “Ew, never. He’s like, always alone. Talk about being lame.” 

“How about you, Younghyun? Bet you don’t talk to him either, right?”

Everyone around him faces him and silently waits for his response. It makes Younghyun panic and he can feel his classmates’ preparing themselves to hear his expectant reply of agreement. He’s sure he has nothing against Jae, but his classmates’ pressure overtakes his mind and he hears the harsh words leave his lips.

“Hah, of course not. Why would I? It always looks like he wants to be alone anyway.”

Upon hearing his reply, the other classmates laugh and smile along with him. Younghyun steals a glance towards Jae hoping his music was loud enough to block his words, but he realizes it’s too late when he sees Jae coiling his earphones around his fingers with a hurt expression.

Since Younghyun’s harsh words, his classmates have started to pick on Jae. It has become a regular routine to vandalize his desk with insults, hide his books and throw away his gym strip. Younghyun however, just watches everything happen and simply laughs along on the sidelines. He feels slightly apologetic, but somehow his mind doesn’t tell him to stop his classmates. Perhaps it’s because Jae never cries, because he knows Jae is strong enough to get through it all. 

(He doesn’t tell himself it’s just because he’s scared he’ll be picked on too.)

One day after school, Younghyun and his classmates stay back late while Jae is on cleaning duty and rummages through Jae’s desk again. Pencils, pens, books and cassette tapes fly out of Jae’s desk until one of his classmates pulls out a thin green book. It’s in English and Younghyun reads out the title in his mind: _The Perks of Being a Wallflower._

Then, the classmate with the book turns to the other boys and Younghyun. A sly smirk plays on his lips. 

“Hey, you wanna try something fun?”

The other boys nod and question what he’s planning. But no explanation is needed when the classmate opens the book to a random page and rips multiple pages. Younghyun’s eyes widen in surprise as he watches the ripped pages weakly flutter down to the floor. His classmates continue to rip pages out of the book and throw laughs at Younghyun which he returns with a strained smile.

By the time Jae is done his cleaning duty, Younghyun and his classmates hide outside the classroom and peer through the window for his reaction. Younghyun sees Jae let go of the broom and rush to his desk full of worry. Jae slowly picks up the ripped pages and Younghyun can see Jae’s hands start to tremble. When tears well up in Jae’s eyes and flow down his cheeks, something in Younghyun’s heart tugs. His mind unclicks like a train on the wrong tracks, like something doesn’t make sense. 

Slowly, his classmates’ snickers fall deaf against his ears. All Younghyun can hear are Jae’s soft sniffles and choked crying inside the classroom as Jae hold his ruined book close to his chest.

The next day, Younghyun pulls out Jae and heads to the secluded music room at lunch. His classmates give him strange looks, but Younghyun pays no mind. For once, determination to set things right overrules his worries. Yet, once the two of them are inside the music room, he finds it hard to face Jae’s neutral face so he quickly scratches the back of his neck in nervousness.

“I’m sorry about your book.” Younghyun hands Jae a brand new copy of _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_.

He doesn’t accept it.

Jae just stares at the book and eyes Younghyun devoid of any emotion. “This book was really important to me.”

Younghyun doesn’t say anything. He can’t even look at Jae straight in his eyes. He expected anger or maybe sadness, but something about Jae’s emotionless expression flusters him. He wonders if Jae’s given up finally with everything his classmates have done to him. 

The silence and his guilt suffocate Younghyun as Jae shoots daggers into his eyes. _He’s put too much belief in Jae_ he thinks. _I thought he would have been strong enough_ he continues; and _I shouldn’t have said that_ are his last thoughts as Jae lets out a heavy sigh and fists his hands. This time, when Younghyun faces Jae, there is a flash of rage before it is replaced with desperation in Jae’s eyes.

Jae steps closer to Younghyun, snatches the new book and slams it into Younghyun’s chest. 

“If you’re truly sorry, why don’t you take a read at the book instead of wasting your time ruining my life, Kang.”

And with that, Jae pushes Younghyun aside and leaves the music room.

The next day, Jae doesn’t come to school and Younghyun discovers he transferred. The thin green book glares back at Younghyun every single night on top of his desk since Jae’s absence. It isn’t after Younghyun takes the time to thoroughly read the book that he finally understands Jae’s feelings, finally has something click back in his mind. 

Younghyun doesn’t bother searching for Jae the rest of this lifetime.

(Even if he did, he wouldn’t have been the one to make Jae infinite.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reference at the end is from the novel, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I remembered in a radio one time that Jae said that was his life book and coincidentally, so is mine. The quote I referenced from the book is "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." To me, the book has many themes but one theme that sticks with me strong is the theme of friendship and youth. I wasn't a person with many close friends as a child, still don't to this day, so when I read this book the idea of being infinite when with true close friends stuck with me. The idea of being infinite is so broad I feel. However for me, I think it means being a part of that moment where time and space don't matter. The only thing that should matter is who is living in that moment with you. 
> 
> So, when Younghyun says he wouldn't ever be able to make Jae infinite, to me it means Younghyun and Jae are never able to share and live in the moment together.


	10. Lifetime 10.

**_X. When we meet as adults you’re more discerning, I don’t blame you._ **

Being a business major really doesn’t help Younghyun pass an English course. Especially when his professor is one fucking hot mess trying to teach his class about modern poetry. Younghyun doesn’t hear anything during the lecture. He takes in the professor’s dishevelled ice blue hair, how his shirt of The Script narrows his waist and how his bleached ripped skinny jeans hug his thighs. The professor’s silver block frames slide down the smooth slope of his nose as he reads a line from some modernist’s poem and asks the class a question. 

For a moment there is silence until a student from across the class shares their opinion on the poem. Then, the professor looks into Younghyun’s eyes and gives him a smirk. Younghyun quickly looks down in embarrassment of being caught staring and fidgets with his fingers. This time, however, he doesn’t call Younghyun out. The professor simply chuckles behind his hand and walks to the other side of the class.

The week after, Younghyun is pacing back and forth in front of a door holding two cups of drinks: one iced americano and one strawberry smoothie. The nervousness overrides his system to the point his hands no longer feel the freezing coldness of the drinks. He does three mini jumps in front of the door and takes in a deep breath.

“You can do this Younghyun.”

The back of his right hand approaches the door. Then, he looks at the nameplate under the room number and shuts his eyes. _Park Jaehyung._

“I can’t do this!” 

He backs away from the door quietly whining and starts to pace the hallway again. Suddenly, the door to Jae’s office opens to reveal Jae sitting on his rolly chair. Younghyun swears his heart almost stopped.

“What’re you doing? Aren’t you gonna come in, Kang Younghyun?”

Younghyun’s whole entire body flushes red seeing Jae. He vigorously nods and scurries into Jae’s office. As Jae closes the door behind him, Younghyun seats himself down on the free chair next to Jae’s desk with his laptop open and stacks of papers on both sides. 

In front of him, Jae has his legs crossed and his hands together on top of his knee. Jae smiles softly at Younghyun and waits for Younghyun to speak, comfortably basking in the silence. When Younghyun pushes the strawberry smoothie to Jae, he blushes further (if it’s even possible) as Jae flashes his white teeth with a small thanks.

“So, what brings you here Younghyun?”

“Wh-what, I can’t just come visit you f-for no reason Mr. Park?” Younghyun fumbles with his words, unable to look at Jae properly.

Jae just hums as a response and watches Younghyun sip his iced americano. The only thing Younghyun hears is the sound of his own pounding heart: the beating that he desperately hopes Jae doesn't hear. After a couple of minutes, Jae stands up and brushes off the dust on his jeans. He steps closer to where Younghyun is seated and tilts Younghyun’s chin up.

“Thanks for the smoothie. I gotta go teach a class now, so see you in class Wednesday.”

He ruffles Younghyun’s hair and walks out of his office, waving his hand behind. Jae doesn’t see the lovestruck expression on Younghyun, but Younghyun’s sure he knows.


	11. Lifetime 11.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short one, so I decided I'm going to post 2 chapters whenever I have a short one after the other to make it up. Plus, I wanted to finish this work by the end of March, so I reworked my posting schedule to fit it!

**_XI. Yet, always, you forgive me._ **

Avoiding Jae has become a trend in Younghyun’s recent lifetimes now. Since the last few lifetimes, he’s come to believe Jae is better off without him. Even when they meet, Younghyun doesn’t bother to befriend Jae. Instead, he keeps his distance and watches Jae spend his life through his own smiles and tears. Sometimes, Younghyun thinks Jae looks at him with a look of longing and sadness, but he brushes it off and walks the other way because Younghyun is through with hurting Jae.

(But he knows it’s just because he doesn’t want to get hurt either.)

Luckily, it’s not hard to avoid Jae when Younghyun is an idol. He works early in the morning until late at night and barely has time to go outside apart from his dorm and company building. Yet somehow, Jae breaks down all the walls Younghyun has built and Younghyun can’t help but fall for him again.

Jae is an editor for fashion magazines in this lifetime and he understands Younghyun’s crazy schedule. So Jae never asks Younghyun for attention or time off for dates because he knows Younghyun is constantly busy; he knows how hard it is being an idol and he respects Younghyun’s career. 

However, there’s been one too many incidents where Younghyun breaks their promise - the forgotten Skype call after a concert and the text message that fails to make it to Jae during his sleep on the flight back home. But no matter how many times Younghyun pushes Jae away, Jae is always waiting for him. Always waiting for Younghyun’s next Skype call, his next text message. 

Even when Younghyun is constantly in the wrong, Jae always forgives him. Through the 240p of the video call, Younghyun can see Jae’s soft smile and hear his sincere “it’s okay” that falls from his lips. Younghyun doesn’t know what he did to deserve Jae, but this lifetime makes it all the more clear to cherish him. 

Younghyun is certain that he needs to give his all to Jae in every single lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you'll enjoy the next chapter too!


	12. Lifetime 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter of today's upload!

**_XII. As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for_ **

Learning a new language is almost just as hard as finding Jae, Younghyun thinks as a five-year-old. His family recently moved to LA and he barely has any idea what these workers are saying as they bring boxes inside their new home from the gigantic truck.

Younghyun stands next to the moving truck watching his mother guide the worker where each furniture goes inside the house and his father help carry their refrigerator up the stairs of their porch. He plays with the hem of his Iron Man shirt until his mom has had enough. She pushes Younghyun over to where the playground is in front of their new house and orders him to stay there until she comes to pick him up.

He is reluctant, but he struts over anyways with a little huff. There are other children around his age with their own groups of friends climbing the mini rock wall, building sandhills and going up slides. However, none of them give Younghyun any attention. So, Younghyun sits down on the wooden bench by himself, staring at the colorful blocks that make up the playground.

As he kicks at the sand and gravel beneath him, a hand is put out towards Younghyun. When he looks up, there is another kid giving him a huge toothy smile with eyes like moon crescents.

“Hi! I’m Jae! Are you new here? What’s your name?”

The boy’s voice is bright and cheerful, but Younghyun doesn’t catch any of the fast English thrown at him and blinks a few times. The boy, Jae, notices Younghyun’s confusion and starts to speak slower.

“I’m Jae. What’s your name?”

“Young-no! I-uh Brian Kang.”

Jae nods, points to Younghyun and back at himself to illustrate his question. “Do you want to play with me?”

After Younghyun processes Jae’s question, he nods in a heartbeat and takes Jae’s welcoming hand. As Jae’s slightly bigger hand encloses Younghyun’s smaller one, Jae takes him to the top of the playground building and both of them go down the slide. Then, the two of them are competing to see who can build the highest sand tower with big smiles and laughs.

When Younghyun’s mother comes to find Younghyun, Jae waves bye with that same toothy smile and twinkling half-moon eyes he gave Younghyun and promises to see Younghyun tomorrow. 

Since then, Jae and Younghyun have been inseparable. They spend their childhoods together at the colorful playground and Jae doesn’t waste a single second taking Younghyun’s hand everywhere from elementary school all the way to prom and even more after.


	13. Lifetime 13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's upload is another double because the chapters are short.

**_XIII. all the lifetimes which one of us doesn’t exist,_ **

After all those failed attempts to debut, Younghyun, Sungjin, Wonpil, Junhyeok and Dowoon finally do so as JYP’s first-ever idol band group. If not for Dowoon’s arrival to JYP as their new drummer three months prior, Younghyun wouldn’t have known how much further their debut would have been. 

Those countless hours practicing and composing paid off in the end as they debut with their own song, Congratulations. As they are standing on their very first stage, Younghyun doesn’t think he’s ever seen his members be as happy as they are now. Wonpil’s eyes are brimming with tears as he sings out to the crowd. Junhyeok is smiling from ear to ear while giving his all to the keyboard. Dowoon is mouthing every single word of the song behind him with the brightest smile and Sungjin smiles with those wide, sparkling eyes only looking ahead into the audience.

Everyone is happy; their concert is rewarding and the fans in front of them sing along with all the energy they have. Younghyun can feel their energy revive all those hard, tiring times when he would spend the night composing a new song. But oddly, he feels something missing. 

When he looks to his right, all he sees is Sungjin and it feels like there should be something more. Or rather, someone. Yet, he can’t quite pinpoint what or who and the thought fades away before the song is even over.


	14. Lifetime 14.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set before DAY6 debuts and just after Jae finished K-Pop Star. Instead of becoming a trainee at JYPE after being eliminated, his mother convinces him to come back to LA to finish university in this lifetime. So, the person making a phone call to his mom is Jae on his way back to LA. Younghyun just happened to be at the airport at the same time picking up his friend Terry from Toronto who came to visit.

**_XIV. and the ones where we just barely, never meet_ **

One of the places Younghyun visits often is the airport, he finds. This time in this lifetime, he is there to pick up his friend Terry from Toronto. He stares out his drawn down car window as he looks for a place to park his car. From the corner of his eye, he sees a space behind a taxi and drives over. 

As he parks, a tall man with tousled brown hair and black frames comes out of the taxi in front of him. The man unloads his suitcase and guitar from the trunk and he makes a phone call as he walks away from the taxi. After Younghyun is done parking, he also gets out of his car and walks over to the entrance.

Younghyun checks his phone for the time and continues to walk to the entrance. Faintly from the other side, he hears the man from the taxi with his phone call.

“Mom, I’m going to take my flight now.” he says, “I know. You said I wouldn’t make it.”

The man takes in a deep breath and continues, “Mom, it’s not just a phase.” 

Then he lets out a long sigh. “Okay, okay. Just-nevermind. See you soon mom.”

By the time the man is finished his phone call, Younghyun is already in front of the entrance for arrivals and the man is going through the sliding doors for departures. Obviously, Younghyun never sees that man again. In fact, he doesn’t even remember what the man looked like the day after, except his black frames. 

Yet every now and then, he feels his heart tug at an empty feeling reminding him of the day at the airport.


	15. Lifetime 15.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU I've thought of for a while. I'm thinking of writing maybe a oneshot of this AU again when I finish school, but until then, let me know your guys' thoughts and hope you enjoy!

**_XV. I hate those, I prefer the ones in which you kill me._ **

Throughout the lifetimes, Younghyun has met recurring friends: Park Sungjin, Kim Wonpil and Yoon Dowoon. But something in this lifetime trips up Younghyun. 

This Dowoon is new and Younghyun’s sort of confused whether or not it actually is Yoon Dowoon. In this lifetime, Dowoon isn’t just a softie electrician or sound engineer. He’s not even a drummer. (Younghyun can’t believe this lifetime’s Dowoon has never touched a pair of drum sticks in their entire life.) 

In actuality, Dowoon is one of the youngest leaders of a gang in Korea. The Yoon lineage has been feared underground for ages and somehow, Younghyun is taken into their family. It all starts when Dowoon spots him in the pouring rain near the alleyway in between a 7-11 and some no-name piano school. He lets Younghyun’s weak ass inside his apartment, hands him new clothes, feeds him and has him stay overnight. The next morning, Younghyun expects the blackmail and news drop that every single gangster movie has, but it doesn’t come.

“Stay if you want, hyung. If not, take the money on the table before you leave,” is all Dowoon says before he’s out the door.

Younghyun just stands still outside the door of the bedroom and stays there until he hears the front door open and close. When he steps into the living room where the table is, he checks the paper envelope lying innocently. Inside are a few hundred dollars - enough for Younghyun to go far where no one would know him with the KTX. He lets out a deep breath, one he didn’t know he was holding, and shoves the envelope into the pocket of Dowoon’s warm leather jacket. Then, he’s out the door walking out of the apartment with a small smile.

The next thing that happens leaves Younghyun absolutely confuzzled. He enters Dowoon’s apartment and straight into a fight. In the middle of the living room is another male, Wonpil Younghyun thinks, arguing with Dowoon. Wonpil is a smidge shorter than Dowoon with long eyelashes and red hair that is starting to curl at the ends. He sports an angry, but concerned look while Dowoon nonchalantly seats himself on the couch.

Wonpil raises his hands in exasperation. “You can’t just let him leave the apartment, Dowoon! What are you going to do if that guy reports you?”

Dowoon doesn’t look at Wonpil. 

He waves his hand behind and says, “Don’t worry, he’s not like that.”

“There’s no way he wouldn’t know you. You’re the fucking leader of Korea’s most feared gang.”

When Dowoon just hums in response, Wonpil lets out a frustrated yell and storms into his room with a “you’re impossible” under his breath. Quietly, Sungjin emerges from the kitchen with a cup of coffee and waves Younghyun in as he sits down in the armchair next to the couch. So, Younghyun pads into the living room and taps Dowoon on the shoulder.

He turns and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Hyung! What are you doing here? I thought you left?”

Younghyun simply holds up the white plastic bags in his hands and smiles nervously.

“I, uh, went grocery shopping? Do stir-fried noodles sound okay?”

Upon hearing that, Dowoon’s mouth splits into a grin and gives Younghyun a “Yeah, anything’s good hyung.” With that, Younghyun cooks stir-fried noodles with Sungjin and sets up the table with Wonpil who sports an apologetic look. All in all, he ends up joining their group with laughs and smiles. The years pass by with Younghyun helping Dowoon resolve gang fights and helping students from bullies. Dowoon’s job as a gangster is quite different from what Younghyun first thought, but he thinks he wouldn’t see it any other way.

With everything Younghyun’s gone through alongside Dowoon, Sungjin and Wonpil, he is sure he would do anything to protect their lives. So when an unknown contender comes in between the huge gang fight the three are trying to break apart, Younghyun isn’t one bit scared seeing the gun come out of the stranger’s thigh holster.

The stranger has long brown locks with red highlights in a high ponytail and owl-like rose gold frames. She aims her gun at the center of Dowoon’s back, but Younghyun is faster than her finger on the trigger. He yanks her wrist towards his own chest and groans in pain as the bullet hits him. She retracts her hand back to her chest, a look of shock flashing over her face, and takes in a sharp breath. As Younghyun falls to the cold pavement, she grits her teeth and sprints out of the alleyway. He sees her run off and thinks that just might have been Jae. 

Even if that was Jae though, Younghyun doesn’t really care because the last face he sees before everything blacks out is Dowoon. The young gang leader has furrowed eyebrows full of concern and rage; Younghyun can hear him call out “Hyunghyunghyung” like a broken record with his hands pressed down firmly on Younghyun’s bleeding chest. Despite Dowoon’s worry and repressed anger, Younghyun simply smiles, an “It’s okay” falling from his weak lips. 

If being with this lifetime’s Dowoon means being killed by Jae, Younghyun doesn’t think he would mind reliving this one.


	16. Lifetime 16.

**_XVI. But when all’s said and done, I’d rather surrender to you in other ways._ **

Younghyun’s back in high school for the umpteenth time and every time he’s nervous and scared. The thought of whether or not he’ll meet Jae at school occupies his entire brain. Half of him wishes he would, the other half doesn’t - not since _that_ lifetime.

Yet, half of his wish comes true and he ends up in the same class as Jae for second year of high school. Throughout first year, he’s never talked to Jae once. They pass by each other in the halls and when they change classrooms, but no words have been exchanged until about ⅔ into second year. Younghyun opens his shoe locker to see a small letter in a crisp white envelope. It’s not the first time he’s gotten a confession, so he opens it with no hesitation and scans the words on the paper.

_Hi, Sungjin. You probably don’t know me (or at least I hope you don’t), but I’ve liked you for a while, since first year, and I want to say it to you face to face if that’s okay. I’ll be waiting for you in the spare art room on the second floor after school until 4pm. I would be really happy if you showed up (even if you’re coming to reject me._ ☹ _) But if you don’t then I’ll know your answer…_

_See you there._

The first thing Younghyun thinks is _oh no_ because 

  1. Unfortunately, he is not Sungjin and
  2. It’s five minutes before 4pm.



He debates whether or not he should call Sungjin, but his friend is probably already home and it’ll take him at least ten minutes to get back to school. So his only choice is to go to the art room and see whoever wrote the letter. In less than a minute, Younghyun runs to the spare art room upstairs, because he’s really cutting it close with only two minutes before 4pm, and slams the door open. Inside, he sees a tall blond student with round glasses looking down at the floor. The blond snaps his head up with a look of nervousness and excitement. Upon seeing the blond’s face, Younghyun realizes it’s Jae and sucks in a breath.

Once Jae sees Younghyun standing in front of him, his face screws up in confusion and he tilts his head slightly to the right. Younghyun is a little out of breath from running and he feels his mouth dry up quickly. 

He licks his dry lips and pulls out Jae’s letter from his pocket. “Hi, I realized that you slipped your note in the wrong locker?”

Jae’s eyes grow wide and he opens and closes his mouth like a fish. Then he covers his face with his long, large hands full of embarrassment. 

“I’m so sorry! I, uh-it was-ughh!”

Younghyun chuckles at Jae’s embarrassment and waves his hand.

“It’s okay! Sorry about it too. Probably shouldn’t have read it.”

Hearing that, Jae just groans inside his hands. When he brings them down from his face, he refuses to look Younghyun in the eye and fidgets with them as his shoulders sink down. His cheeks are still flushed pink and Younghyun can’t help but think Jae is adorable like this.

A moment of silence passes by until Younghyun clears his throat.

“So, Sungjin, right? My best friend?”

Jae perks up a little at the name and forms a small smile. “Yeah, uh, Sungjin…”

Honestly, Younghyun’s not sure what came over him, but he brings out the most courage he can muster and looks Jae straight in the eyes, full of certainty. 

“I can help. I know Sungjin can be pretty dense at times so… ”

The taller student turns his head up to look at Younghyun and stares back at him with hesitance.

“Are you sure? You’re not going to make fun of me for being stupid and putting my confession into the wrong locker?”

The words take a little bit of time to register into Younghyun’s brain, but as soon as he processes it, his eyes widen with and a flashback to _that_ lifetime replays in his mind. He quickly opens his mouth and just lets the words flood out.

“What? No! I mean-nononono. Of course not! Why would I?”

In front of him, Jae evades Younghyun’s eye contact and bunches up his shoulders and brings his hands together to his chest. He shrugs lightly and mutters an “I don’t know. I mean, others would have… probably.” Younghyun assures Jae he would not and promises to help Jae be closer to Sungjin, straightening Jae’s shoulders by putting his own hands on top of them.

By the end of that day, Jae and Younghyun leave the school together with a smile and they walk home in the light cold wind talking of rules and plans. It’s not long before Younghyun keeps his promise. With Younghyun introducing Jae to his friend group and having lunch and hanging outside of school every day, Jae fits in with them like he was the missing puzzle piece they’ve always needed. Jae is natural with everyone and bit by bit, he becomes closer to Sungjin with every group project they work on and weekend lunches they catch together. 

When they start their third year of high school, Sungjin and Jae come to school holding hands. They both have nervous smiles and Jae’s cheeks paint themselves pink when Sungjin kisses his nose after dropping off Jae at his classroom before heading to his own. Younghyun’s heart breaks a little when Jae and Sungjin announce that they are dating to their group. He smiles back bitterly as Jae looks at him with such a bright smile that puts the sun to shame. Younghyun knows he should be happy for Jae, but all he can think of is how lucky Sungjin is to be the cause of that smile. But he supposes this is his own redemption for _that_ lifetime from before, so he just smiles the best he can.


	17. Lifetime 17.

**_XVII. Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder_ **

The morning sunlight seeps through the wooden blinds at 8:30 and Younghyun can hear the bedsheets rustle beside him. He makes grabby hands, eyes still closed, at the leaving body next to him. A soft giggle is heard as the person exits their bedroom along with Younghyun’s own whine. It’s not long before he falls back to sleep basking in the sun.

A few minutes later, a hand shakes him awake. When he cracks his eyes open with a yawn, he is faced with Jae. In this lifetime, Younghyun is three years older than him for a change, yet there’s nothing different from when Jae was older or when they were the same age. One thing that never changed however is the fact that Jae still has a couple of centimetres on him despite being younger. 

While Younghyun works at JYPE as a producer, Jae is finishing up his last year of music production and unfortunately has class today in the morning. The younger is in a smart white button-up under a comfy beige cardigan with crisp gray slacks. He gives a feather-like kiss on Younghyun’s eyelid and adjusts his tote bag. 

“I’m leaving Brian. See you later.”

Younghyun wraps his chubbier fingers around Jae’s slender wrist and whines a little bit.

“Stay a little longer?”

Jae chuckles and simply says, “I gotta go. Class starts in an hour.”

He pulls Jae down back onto their bed and lifts his torso up to nuzzle his head in the crook of Jae’s neck. Younghyun whines “babe” into the space, drawing out the last sound. Jae just ruffles his messy hair and kisses the side of his head before pulling himself out of Younghyun’s hold.

“My bus comes in ten minutes.”

Younghyun rubs the tiredness out of his eyes and pushes the blanket to the side. “You have everything? Remember to eat lunch and drink lots of water!”

“Gosh, I’m not a middle schooler, Bri!” Jae says as he shuffles towards the door.

Younghyun follows suit and leans on the wall near the front door. “Promise you’ll be home early today?”

“Of course. Probably even before you.”

Younghyun leans forward to plant a kiss onto Jae’s plush lips before he’s out the door. Jae slips his shoes on and Younghyun can’t help but smirk a little at Jae leaving early when his class starts at 10am. The bus to his school only takes him 15 minutes and it doesn’t take more than three to walk to the bus stop. 

“Bet the profs love you, getting there early,” he remarks.

Jae just laughs at that and says, “Not as much as you,” back at him.

Both of them are smiling when Younghyun sends Jae off with a “Have a good day, sweetheart” and he knows Jae melts a little at the pet name when he flashes Younghyun a sweet smile and waves before closing the door behind him.

Later that day, Jae keeps his promise and leaves school as soon as his last class ends. He even visits Younghyun at the studio with his favourite take out food and matched with a cup of iced americano. After Younghyun finishes editing his song, the two walk home together holding hands.


	18. Lifetime 18.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update today! I was super busy in the morning and didn't get to my computer until an hour ago. But, I hope you'll enjoy this one and the next chapter for the weekend. :)

**_XVIII. is this the last time?_ **

Younghyun and Jae are leaning against each other while sitting on the grass. His left hand is tightly intertwined with Jae’s right hand and his right one cards through Jae’s soft hair absentmindedly. The two stare up into the night sky full of twinkling stars, enjoying each other’s presence.

Jae quietly turns to face Younghyun and asks, “Do you believe in soulmates, Brian?”

He hums in response while thinking and his mind replays all the lifetimes where he searched for Jae day and night. He remembers every single lifetime, thinking about Jae and wondering where he was. Younghyun remembers all the lifetimes where he doesn’t meet Jae too even when he doesn’t want to. Although Jae and he are halves of one - two people meant for each other - he knows that the two can’t be together every time. 

Younghyun says no and he can feel a slight weight drop on his shoulders. He thinks he can see a solemn and empty look on Jae’s face, but he isn’t too sure from the dark. Then he remembers, the clicks and unclicks in his mind, a telltale response for Jae’s presence. So, he takes in a breath and decides to continue.

“I don’t. But if soulmates were real, I sure hope that you would be mine in every single lifetime.”

He sees Jae’s lips curve upwards and bury his head into Younghyun’s chest, Jae’s humming vibrating on top. 

Younghyun knows Jae will never know about all his other lifetimes, but he would like to believe he does. Jae may not know on the top of his head, however, Younghyun is sure Jae will have the memories they shared together amongst all the lifetimes deep in his heart, somewhere far inside the files of his brain. 

So, he adds softly under his breath, “Just like how I managed to find you in all those other lifetimes,” and Jae hears, but doesn’t question.

Jae simply squeezes Younghyun’s hand just a little bit tighter.


	19. Lifetime 19.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the idea of Jae being short was kind of cute, so here it is. Might I add that Jae is even shorter than Wonpil in this lifetime ;)

**_XIX. Is that really you?_ **

Younghyun knows that appearances shouldn’t matter when he’s seen Jae with rainbow hair and as the opposite gender, but seeing Jae in this lifetime trips him up anyways. Younghyun and Jae are coworkers at a regular old office. Younghyun is the supervisor of the marketing team and Jae is the HR manager. He remembers reading the list of his coworkers' names when he first joined the office and stopping to stare at the three Korean characters of Jae’s name. Since then, he had been expecting a version of Jae that seemed similar to the Jaes in all his other lifetimes. 

However, when they first meet, he convinces himself it couldn’t have been Jae because looking back on his past lifetimes, one thing was absolutely clear: Jae was tall. Every time Younghyun’s seen Jae, his height was above average for the most part. Heck, Jae was seven out of ten lifetimes taller than him. 

Except in this lifetime, Jae is literally  _ tiny _ and Younghyun swears he is not exaggerating. Jae only comes up to about Younghyun’s shoulders and each time they have a conversation, he has to tilt his chin down to see Jae looking up at him with animated eyes. 

After a month had passed by, he supposes it’s not a bad thing, minus the initial deception, because Jae is still the same person regardless of height. Moreover, there are some perks of being taller than Jae seeing how Jae has appointed Younghyun as his personal helper when being vertically challenged. Each morning, Younghyun reaches up to the cupboard to grabs two mugs, one for his tea and one for Jae’s hot water. 

(He still doesn’t understand why Jae pours himself a cup of hot water and proceeds to drink it without a teabag. 

“What’s the point of hot water without a teabag?” 

“Not all hot water needs flavour, Bri.”

“But why?”

“Uhh why not?”)

Additionally, every time their copy machine runs out of paper, Jae always comes up to Younghyun to ask him to refill it because the stock of printer paper is stacked on a high shelf across from the printer. Then most importantly, when Jae can’t grab his car keys because Wonpil decided to relocate it to a more ‘convenient’ spot (it being a high wall shelf), Younghyun quickly saves his work and walks over to swiftly snatch the car keys. He hands it to Jae and they walk out of the office together as he listens to Jae complain about all his challenges as a midget. 


	20. Lifetime 20.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's uploads aren't the happiest, but I hope they cheer you up nonetheless amidst the chaos we're facing from the coronavirus! Make sure to practice social distancing and if you had to go outside, make sure to wash your hands properly with soap :) I know it's hard for many people and families who are financially unstable with all the panic buying others are doing, but I wish you all the best and I know we will make it through. To all the people who are currently facing racism due to this, I am so sorry. It's really disgusting to see how when in desperate times, it brings out the worst in people. However, I know we are all strong! We are not what others assume us to be and we should not be wavering from their rude words and actions. And of course, just everyone in general, I hope you'll all be safe and healthy.   
> If by any chance, you need comfort or a source to just vent, feel free to message me on Instagram @coffee_syp3 or Tumblr @coffee-syp3 (I don't use either of them regularly anymore at all, but I do still check up on Tumblr a couple of times a month.)

**_XX. And what if you’re already perfectly happy_ **

Valentine’s Day is the one day Younghyun’s spent alone for so long, occasionally with a burst of happiness by spending it with Jae. This lifetime’s Valentine’s is one of the ones he spends with Jae. They ditched their friends’ double dates to involuntarily third wheel as they were both single. Their ‘date’ course consisted of the arcades, where Younghyun wins Jae a small fox plushie, and McDonald's, where they’re at right now.

The two singletons happily munch on their food, Jae his Happy Meal and Younghyun his third McChicken. Then suddenly, Jae lets out a comfortable sigh after sipping on his half Cola and half Sprite concoction (because who mixes sodas together?). 

“I love this.”

Younghyun is a little confused at the abrupt statement that Jae makes and lets out a hum.

“I mean, just hanging out with you like this. Not just today, but any other day.” Jae continues while shaking off the salt on his fries, “Hanging out after school, laughing at stupid jokes, playing games, eating at McDonald's together just makes me really happy and being with you is really comfortable. It’s almost as if you and I are meant to be, you know what I’m saying?”

Younghyun chuckles a little and nods. “So what are you getting at? Trying to confess to me?”

Jae laughs a big hearty one at that too. “I’m just saying that you’re really the best friend anyone could ask for!” He crosses his arms across his chest dramatically and huffs. “Can’t a guy be sappy about his best friend for once? Just because it’s Valentine’s doesn’t mean I can’t be a sap for platonic relationships!”

While Jae pouts, Younghyun pushes the urge to just break down and cry right then and there of being hardcore friend-zoned. He supposes he should be happy that Jae thinks of him so highly as a friend, yet now he knows that Jae will never see him beyond a friend. 

He fakes a laugh and smiles saying, “Yeah yeah, you’re my best friend too.”

Jae smiles sincerely at that and goes back to eating his fries. “Love you, bro. Thanks.”

“Love you too,” Younghyun responds.

Except, Jae will never know the difference between his own _love you_ and Younghyun’s _love you_.

At least not in this lifetime.


	21. Lifetime 21.

**_XXI. without me?_ **

Jae can live without Younghyun perfectly fine; Younghyun knows that. He knows that especially when Jae falls in love with someone else and he can’t help but just stay on the sidelines and simply watch even when his heart weeps. _What a masochist I am_ he thinks. 

Jae is a barista at a cafe near Younghyun’s campus. He has unkempt bleached hair with hipster black glasses and he often wears big button-up shirts that are tucked into his ripped skinny jeans. His name pin is always crooked on his left chest and his glasses slip down so far it looks as if it’s about to fall off his nose. (There have been so many times Younghyun’s wanted to push them back up, but _boundaries, gotta keep the boundaries_ , he tells himself.)

He visits the cafe often to see Jae and get his daily dose of caffeine. Even though the two know each other due to Younghyun’s frequent visit, he knows he has no chance with Jae. Not when Jae is always talking to someone else, Woosung Younghyun thinks, from the back of the counter. 

Younghyun looks at the two of them smiling and laughing from his table in the corner. Jae radiates so much energy and sunshine when he’s with Woosung, unlike the practiced smile Younghyun receives when he orders his drink. The two throw silly faces at each other while Woosung waits for Jae to finish his shift and Younghyun sometimes hears them sing She Was Mine during Jae’s short break to each other. _It’s really cute, honestly._

Jae and Woosung are so in love with each other, leaving no room for Younghyun to join.


	22. Lifetime 22.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this work is now ending soon! I only have three more chapters to upload after this one and I'm kind of sad because I really like planning and writing for this work. However, I have many ideas and started, yet unfinished works for our lovely Jaebri ship that I'll hopefully be able to share with you all sometime :)
> 
> My posting schedule is still the same, but just letting you know that:   
> \- Ch. 23 will be uploaded on Tue. Mar. 24,   
> \- Ch. 24 on Sat. Mar. 28 and  
> \- Ch. 25 (final chapter ㅜㅠ) on Tue. Mar. 31

**_XXII. Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair_ **

Knowing Jae more as a figure than personally is a little bit different, Younghyun believes. It’s slightly disconcerting. Or maybe jealous is the correct word because he knows he has to share Jae with everyone else in the whole wide world. But he guesses Jae deserves to have the world’s recognition when he has such beautiful writing. 

Jae is an author in this lifetime with multiple bestsellers. He is known for depicting the feeling of love in a realistic manner through various contexts, such as fleeting, youthful love to mature, complex love; he even writes platonic love of friends reliant on each other’s existence. It’s quite magical, Younghyun thinks, his writing. It’s magical in the sense that all the pairs in the novels are a perfect fit for each other, yet so realistic that it leaves a tinge of bitterness that has the readers breathless when the pair’s flaws are revealed. 

Somewhere in the back of Younghyun’s mind, he thinks reading Jae’s books is the only way to become closer to him. They never meet in person as Jae writes in his hometown, Long Beach California, and unfortunately does not hold book signs outside, but every time Jae’s new book comes out, Younghyun makes a trip down to his local bookstore. 

The bookstore is old and antique, but Younghyun loves it there because it’s the only place near his apartment that sells books in English. So whenever he goes, he picks up Jae’s newly published book in its original English text instead of a translated one, checks out and skips back home humming an 80s band tune. 

As he reads Jae’s books, he feels his heart thump along to the flow of the story, weep and be joyful with the characters. 

(When he reads Jae’s books right before his business class starts and his friends ask why he reads in English when they’re in goddamn Korea, he tells them it’s to practice English. However, Younghyun’s sure everyone knows it’s just because he feels like he’s closer to Jae when reading in English who is far off in LA.)

Younghyun’s favourite book by Jae is called _You Were Beautiful_. The book narrates the daily life of a protagonist who broke up with his girlfriend. Despite missing her terribly, he comes to the realization that their relationship was truly, quite beautiful during their time together; what’s more is that he still thinks it is beautiful even after it had passed. Therefore, the protagonist believes he must cherish their memories for the betterment of himself and her. 

This book is his favourite because it reminds Younghyun of him and Jae in all the lifetimes they were in together. All the lifetimes the two were in love were beautiful and Younghyun held onto Jae’s hands so tight he never wanted to let go for a single moment nor a single second. 

The recurring thought of their beautiful relationship is what drives Younghyun to continue his search for Jae through multiple lifetimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We need more fic with novelist Jae I feel. I don't know about others, but for me, I see Jae as a literature student or prof, English geek and book nerd as such a fitting role for him. It must be because of the tweet he put asking for book recommendations and when the other members said he read books often to get inspiration for lyrics that I feel it's a fitting role. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this chapter for the weekend and again, hope you're all safe!


	23. Lifetime 23.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think how I portrayed Younghyun in this chapter is really out of character, but I can see him being this lovestruck and excitable with the thought of being with Jae. It's quite adorable I think ;)

**_XXIII. that I should be the one_ **

Through a newfound determination, Younghyun finds himself wanting Jae harder than before at a young age. A determination so strong that the surprise of being a girl for the first time is nothing. It’s at the age of five she senses a feeling of longing within herself for someone. At first, she thought she longed for her parents like any other child, but by seven years old, she realizes it’s for someone else - someone inside her mind, someone that may be fictional. 

However, Younghyun convinces herself that someone is real because they have to be when she can think of all the traits of Jae so so clearly. By the time Younghyun hits middle school, she makes a list of tasks she needs to accomplish to find Jae. She writes it all down during one of her break times before second period started. All her friends crowd around her and look at her weirdly, but still offer suggestions. So she prints down her plan neatly:

_Steps to being with Jae_

  1. _Find Jae_
  2. _Become his friend and hang out with him / get to know him better_
  3. _Have him fall in love with you_
  4. _Confess!!_
  5. _Spend the rest of your life with him ❤❤_



She brushes off her bangs and smiles all teeth once she finishes decorating her plan with hearts and sparkles. Younghyun rubs her plan in front of her friends and they all tease her about her ‘fictional’ crush. 

(Although she retorts Jae is anything but fake, she feels like a stupid teenage girl with a useless crush deep inside.)

At home, she giggles to herself and tapes it on the wall next to her desk then proceeds to roll around her bed in excitement. Younghyun couldn’t wait to find Jae and check off her tasks. 

Yet it’s not until Younghyun’s 29 years old that she manages to find Jae. Jae is a producer at a famous music company where amazing solo artists such as Park Sungjin and Kim Wonpil are labelled at. Everyone’s heard of him through his popular pop and acoustic songs, however, he has never revealed his face until now. He is revealing his face for the first time as the month’s model for one of Korea’s biggest fashion magazines, the one Younghyun works for as a photographer. 

As Jae steps foot into the photoshoot set, Younghyun feels a wave of relief wash over him along with warmth. But the feelings don’t last too long as her eyes land on the silver ring adorning his left hand. It gently hugs Jae’s ring finger with a glimmer underneath the bright stage lights and pierces through Younghyun’s heart. The ring continues glistening and Younghyun can’t help but focus on it throughout the entire shoot.

After the shoot is over, Jae thanks all the staff members individually. He comes up to Younghyun last, a genuine and beautiful smile painted on his face, and shakes her much smaller hand with a thanks. Then, Jae excuses himself for a phone call and leaves Younghyun to pack her camera. 

She hears bits and pieces of Jae’s phone call from a little ways away. The “I just finished”, his hearty laughs, his “See you soon Dowoon.” and, of course, his “Love you too, babe.” With every bit she hears, she shoves the pieces of her camera into the case faster. In less than five minutes, she’s out of the photoshoot set before Jae himself and inside her car driving home.

Once Younghyun is home, she doesn’t cry. She simply unties her jet black hair from the loose ponytail it was in and brushes her bangs away. She pads into her closet and slips her straight cut jeans off to replace it with sweatpants then unclasps her bra underneath her white t-shirt and pulls over her big yellow hoodie. 

She steps into her bedroom and stares at the list of tasks she wrote when she was only 13. The paper glares back at her, serving as a reminder that she failed. _Just some measly teenage crush that never went anywhere_ it tells her. Younghyun tears the paper off from the wall and flops down onto her bed. The list becomes crumpled inside her trembling hands as she bites her bottom lip. 

The lights fade as Younghyun closes her eyes and forces herself to think of the next lifetime she’ll live. She falls asleep with the thought of having Jae inside her arms in the next lifetime and the lifetime after that because Younghyun swears that Jae is the one for her.

  
_Only if I’ll be the one for you too,_ she wishes: her last one before sleep overtakes her consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last few haven't been the happiest chapters, but I swear the last two of this work are going to be happy!! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I will be back Saturday :)


	24. Lifetime 24.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday everyone! I think today's chapter is one of my personal favourites, but also it's just very reminiscent of that one scene from Ouran Host Club (if you know what I'm saying after you read it ;)).

**_XXIV. to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes_ **

Younghyun’s not sure what words he and Jae just threw at each other, but he knows one thing for certain. Jae is angry and frustrated and Younghyun knows because there are tears welling up in Jae’s eyes. Jae has his long elegant hands fisted tight next to his legs and his teeth clenched. He raises his chin up just a little to try and put his tears back in, but it doesn’t work and sparkling droplets stream down his pale cheeks.

When the first tears fall down from Jae’s face, Younghyun’s anger from before immediately melts away. He takes a tiny step towards the taller boy to embrace him, but the latter recedes. Jae brings his arms up as if in defense and starts to wipe furiously at the flowing tears, shoulders shrivelling inwards with a slight tremor.

Before Younghyun knows it, Jae is pushing Younghyun to the side with the leftover strength he has and leaving their shared apartment. All Younghyun can do is blink a few times and run his hands through his dishevelled hair with a sigh. He takes in the sight of the scattered papers all over their dinner table that Jae messed up in the middle of their fight and gathers it into one neat pile. _Jae’s bound to be back soon_ Younghyun thinks as he cleans up the papers. 

At first, he doesn’t bother worrying about Jae: it’s not the first time Jae’s walked out on their fight. Younghyun feels bad about fighting, of course, and he’s scared for when Jae comes back, but Younghyun is somewhat used to Jae’s pattern after an argument that he doesn’t have to pace their living room with worry and overwhelming guilt.

Except, a couple of hours pass by and Jae still isn’t back. By this point, Jae should be entering the doors to their apartment with a sheepish grin and a packet of Younghyun’s favourite ramen in a white plastic bag (because everyone knows the way to a person’s heart is food). So Younghyun sends Jae multiple messages throughout the third hour that passes with his eyebrows furrowed.

By the time the third hour has gone, Younghyun is worried out of his mind. He’s pacing their living room calling Jae for the 11th time. Jae hasn’t responded or read any of the 28 messages he’s sent. _Fuck_ , Younghyun thinks.

He runs into their bedroom and pulls out the first coat he sees and rushes to the front door to slip his shoes on. Then, a flash of lightning passes through the wooden blinds of their window. Younghyun opens the front door to see pouring rain and thunder roar outside. _Double fuck._ Jae is afraid of thunder and lightning. 

(The last time it thundered, he found Jae balled up under millions of blankets on the sofa with all the fucking lights turned on inside their apartment from the closet to the kitchen.)

Younghyun smashes his feet inside his runners, snatches the umbrella in their doorway and slams the door shut hastily. He runs around the neighbourhood and the district market in search of Jae, but unfortunately, there is no sight of him. Younghyun even calls his friends in case Jae had fled there, yet no such luck with them either. 

Eventually, Younghyun runs further in the pouring rain towards their old neighbourhood where they spent their childhood. The umbrella is entirely useless as the lower half of his pants are soaked and one side of his arm and shoulders as well. However, he still forges on through the rain. The occasional lightning and thunder push him further, faster. 

By the time he gives up using the umbrella and his head is damp wet, he’s near Jae and his old elementary school. It’s somewhat far on foot from their apartment that Younghyun wonders how Jae, being the lazy person he is, got here because he sees Jae’s balled up figure underneath one of the platforms of the school’s playground.

Once Younghyun rushes closer to the playground, he sees Jae shivering and covering his ears. Jae’s hair is stuck flat on his forehead and his thin clothes wet. Then, another round of thunder roars and Jae shrieks with a little jump in his spot. 

Younghyun immediately runs to Jae’s side and pulls off his coat to place over Jae. He brings Jae’s limp body closer to his own warmer one and tightly hugs with words of comfort flooding from his lips. Jae grabs Younghyun’s shirt with his trembling, freezing cold hands and buries his face into Younghyun’s chest.

“Jae, I’m so sorry. I’m here now,” Younghyun says, “You’re safe.”

He continuously pats Jae’s back in a manner of assurance. Jae lets his tears flow in Younghyun’s embrace with small utterances of “BrianBrianBrian” and “I’mscaredI’msorryI’msorry”.

The two stay in each other’s warmth until Jae is reduced to sniffles before walking home where Younghyun sings sweet nothings into Jae's ears as they share lazy cuddles.


	25. Lifetime 25.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I can't believe it's already the last chapter of this work. I really hope you all enjoyed this work as much as I enjoyed writing for it and thank you so much for staying with me till the end! Enough said, please enjoy the last (happy) chapter :)

**_XXV. until I find the one where you’ll return to me._ **

The day Younghyun is accepted as a trainee of JYPE, something inside his head clicks. Maybe it’s the feeling of checking off one of the many tasks he has laid out to be a singer. Maybe it’s because for once, something seems to be going the right way. Or maybe, it’s just his mind remembering he needed coffee in his system before his body did. Anyhow, he brushes it off and moves inside to join practice for his first day as a trainee; oddly, he feels good, feels like everything makes sense.

He spends his trainee days dancing, singing and trying to flip in the air. Everything is difficult and tiring, but Younghyun swears he’s going to make it. So he gives it his everything like it’s D-Day. Especially in acrobatics class where he can barely jump high enough to even do half a flip.

He’s in the class with about 12 other trainees. The ones he sticks closest to are Jackson and Mark, who are also international trainees like him. Younghyun is absolute shit at acrobatics, but Jackson and Mark help make it better. Having experience in martial arts, the two encourage and support Younghyun in every class with a mixture of basic Mandarin Younghyun’s picked up from them and English. In return for their help, Younghyun teaches them how to play a couple of chords on the guitar at their dorm.

Of one of their very few solaces after their rigorous training, other than sleep, food and video games, is the guitar. He’s not sure about all the trainees, but it certainly is one for Younghyun. Every now and then, he brings out his guitar from his room and positions himself in the living room sofa, softly playing some chords and singing over them. Bit by bit, others join in to make music together. Sungjin brings out his shaker, Wonpil plugs in his portable keyboard, Jaebeom and Jinyoung sing harmonies and Yugyeom and Bambam move to the beat. It’s quite calming and beautiful.

Then, all hell breaks loose with Jackson practicing his rapping with Mark. They all have fun and laugh so hard their stomachs hurt. It serves as a time of relaxation where all their stress evaporates. The training from their morning to afternoon and his failed flip attempts forgotten with the sweet chaos radiating within their dorm. This is what pulls Younghyun through till the end of the day for years, through monthly evaluations, rejected songs and delayed debuts. 

However, nothing lasts as the chosen members for JYP’s first-ever band group moves out of the trainee dorms and Got7 debuts ahead of Younghyun and his band. There is a feeling of emptiness that weighs down on him with the lack of people in his new dorm, but the sight of his other trainee friends debuting sets fire into his heart, fueling his determination. Younghyun doesn’t think he’s ever written so many songs before in the span of a month. 

But soon, the determination is replaced with frustration and anger after he is called into JYP’s office to be stripped of his role as the band’s guitarist. He enters the dorm mad and Sungjin tries to comfort him, but Younghyun’s anger ceases to die down. The flame of anger continues to burn until he sees his guitar resting innocently against the wall and tears fall from his eyes. 

A feeling of disappointment sets his flame out, with the thought of _was I not good enough?_ floating in his mind. 

A few days pass and Younghyun goes to open the front door that’s just been rung. Behind the door is a tall, lanky guy with thick black-framed glasses standing nervously. Younghyun eyes the guy’s guitar bag slung on his back as he introduces himself as Jaehyung Park. Younghyun knows he should be feeling hate for this new member for snatching his position as guitar, yet his hate and bitterness is pushed away with something akin to endearment. He doesn’t quite know why, but at that moment something clicks. Jae brings forth relief and warmth to his heart as if reassuring himself everything still made sense.

He brings Jae into the dorm and has Sungjin show Jae around and inform him of their practice schedule. When Jae hesitantly walks into their shared room and places his belongings down, Younghyun simply observes without a word as the aforementioned bitterness slowly made its way back up his throat. 

Months go by with Jae and Younghyun being worst enemies. Younghyun and Jae fight like it’s breathing with Younghyun’s bitterness and Jae’s language barrier and confusion. It’s really Younghyun’s fault for never speaking to Jae unless he needs to or pretending like Jae just doesn’t exist; their actions range from the silent treatment to childish ones like making the other trip with their wires. Throughout the course of the day, the two bicker at every chance they get - during breakfast, practice, lunch and dinner; even in bed for god's sake. 

(And yet, it’s always Jae that apologizes and moves on with a tired and saddened expression.)

Then one fight, Jae cries of frustration. Fat teardrops stream down his pale cheeks as he desperately asks Younghyun, “Why do you hate me so much?” and all Younghyun can do is just stand there still, mouth opening and closing like a fool. Younghyun has no answer for the dragged on hatred he had for Jae. Although he was still bitter, it was never overflowing to the point he had to unfriend Jae. Especially when Jae tried so damn hard to be closer to him. 

Silence envelopes the two along with Jae’s sniffles and heavy breathing. Guilt weighs down on Younghyun. He has no explanation ready, so his body moves on its own and brings Jae flush to his own chest and wraps his arms around the taller’s slender body for a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” escapes Younghyun’s lips and Jae chokes up and hides his face into the crook of Younghyun’s neck. 

Since then, their fights and cold stares have stopped. When Younghyun walks out of their shared room for brunch, Jae is already sitting at their kitchen table with a cup of orange juice in his hand. Jae is the first to say “Good morning” and Younghyun replies straight back. Wonpil, Dowoon and Sungjin look at the pair weirdly, but Younghyun knows that there is a feeling of relief washing over them with the end of their long war as enemies.

There is a look of fondness that plays over Jae’s eyes when Younghyun comes up to Jae and sleepily rests his chin on Jae’s shoulder. Jae ruffles his hair and hums and Younghyun thinks it’s all so domestic. Younghyun really wished that he wouldn’t have been bitter for so long because the two’s relationship grows more and more with the countless hugs and kisses shared underneath his covers in the darkness of their shared room. 

Just like the nights before, Jae is in his bed snuggled tightly against Younghyun’s chest, sleeping softly; Younghyun has never been more certain than this moment. This is the lifetime he has been waiting for with Jae and Younghyun swears it on his soul that he would go through millions of lifetimes more to return to this lifetime.

Because Younghyun knows, Jae is worth it.

And everything clicks into place as if Jae’s never disappeared from his side.


End file.
